I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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