I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
