I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
