Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
