you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
