my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
