You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
