have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
