"it" just moved
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Terrible idea I love it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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