I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
