We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
