go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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