I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
