I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
