I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize