He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
