I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
