I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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