Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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