The maid of honor just puked.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
