All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
