I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
