My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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