True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
