She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
That accounts for only three of the penises
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
