Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
