you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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