Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
