Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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