i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
