Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize