WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
