I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
