What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
