WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
