We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
handjob tips. give me some.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
