He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize