Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
