i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
