I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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