i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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