literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
