where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude i'm inner monologue high
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well I just put wine in my tea
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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