Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
