Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
