So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
