Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
