It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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