I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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