love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
