Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
