Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize