did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
