I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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