Yo dont text me then not text me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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