You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
