remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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