your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
