i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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