i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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