i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
