That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
