When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
