it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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