he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Do vagina's smell?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
