Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
