If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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