You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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