What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize