i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
