Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just gift wrapped bread.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My life is pants optional.
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