I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
