your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
