I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
