absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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