OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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