see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
