**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
