ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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