Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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