At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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