She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
