Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
