You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
