I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
