What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize