Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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