There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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