i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
