i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm jealous of your bromance
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I believe in your delicious
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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