A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
