She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
