My room smells like vodka and shame
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
