So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize