i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
