every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
