I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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