Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
