well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
