i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
