If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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