Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You are a genius and a whore.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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