3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She bit a glass in half.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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