Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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