Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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